"May Your Journey be Rough"

“The average adult spends about one-third of his or her waking life alone.”  

-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

“How are you spending yours ?..scrolling Facebook, texting, tweeting, online shopping?  Alone time is an invitation…a chance to do the things you’ve longed to do.  You can read, code, paint, meditate, practice a language or go for a stroll.  Alone, you can pick through sidewalk crates of used books without worrying you are hijacking your companion’s afternoon or being judged for your lousy idea of a good time. You need not carry on polite conversation.  You can go to a park.  You can go to Paris….you’d hardly be alone.  From North America to South Korea,  more people are now living by themselves than ever before.  Single person households are projected to be the fastest growing household profile globally from today to 2030.  More people are dining solo.  More are traveling alone.  A lot more.”

                                                                  “Alone Time” by Stephanie Rosenbloom

I have now been living solo in Kyoto, Japan for a total of 6 months… 175 days to be exact.  For me, it is somewhat like comparing dog years to human years.  My time here has been 6 months in standard American time…..for me, the experience has been like 1-2 years in solo Kyoto time.    I suppose time is relative to your experience and focus.   During this time of living mindfully in Japan, I have have been given the gift and good fortune to experience all of the above activities.  I have read alot…. significantly more books than my time would have permitted otherwise.  I made my way through 15 books in 2020, falling short of my goal of 25.  My youngest daughter has reminded me of this. She completed 53.  My favorite book of the year was The Lady and the Monk by Pico Iyer.  I have written quite a lot …..somewhat all over the place….journals, notes, poems, in coffee shops, regularly on this site, my own reflections.  Where that all leads I have no idea.    I have painted…. having been fortunate to find both a sumi e teacher and calligraphy teacher, along with hours of time to create on my own.  I have meditated for hours beyond my count, both my personal sitting practice at the beginning of the day and infrequently before bed as well as most of my days which are filled with contemplative walks around Kyoto and my reflective observations and experiences.  Additionally, I have attended Zen meditation at Tenruji temple as well as spending 3 days at a Zen monastery in South Korea chanting and cooking with Buddhist monks.   

In these 6 months, living in a walkable city, I have walked a total of 434 miles, averaging 72 miles per month, during rainy season, heat and humidity, now cold, dark and wet.  The miles logged do not factor in miles I biked or 4 months of tai chi twice a week.  Hopefully, what I have lost in my diet and normal way of eating I have made up for in walking.  I have spent some time learning Japanese, although minimally successful at best.  I have almost conceded defeat in this area, however still I try.   I have picked through crates of used books at used book fairs and bookstores, and spent many days enjoying the beauty of the many parks and gardens in Kyoto.  I have learned the fine art of dining on my own in crowded restaurants amidst a sea of Japanese conversations.  I’ve only been turned away twice at a restaurant.  I have improved my cooking skills, relying on some interesting ingredients.

You could say that I have made great strides in the art of living alone.

Since my parents visit in November, I have come face to face with solitude, especially with it being the holidays back in America. Solitude does not come easily for me….or should I say 6 months of solitude has not come easily…..especially with my lack of experience or breeding for winter and cold weather.   So you might say I gave myself the ultimate challenge in embarking on this adventure.  Yet I am committed to this year, this journey and this process.  At the most challenging times, it seems I begin to get glimpses and insights of wisdom, mostly insights about myself and my life.  One can travel all over the world and one will always be with one's self.  There is no escaping that.

As we are ending the year, and this decade, a friend encouraged me to do not only a year in review but a decade in review.  In reflecting back over my journey these last 10 years, which I already have in countless journals over the years, it seemed too daunting to even consider, however I decided to do it.  It was quite revealing to see many of the threads and themes that have been part of my journey for not only a year, but for a decade.  Solitude is a theme that has repaid me a visit time and time again.   This year and this journey are providing the crucible to make my peace with by allowing it.    I also see that I am and have always been called to these adventures.  In this last decade I’ve taken two solo adventures to Costa Rica, where I discovered surfing, yoga and meditation; the first of which was life-changing and set in place my love for these journeys; two trips to China, one on my own for a month, which began as an epic adventure to study martial arts and then led me to both Hong Kong and Japan.  Last year I celebrated my birthday in Tokyo.  Now is my third solo trip to Japan, which has included South Korea and will likely take me to Thailand before I round out my way home. 

This is by and large the longest time I have spent largely in solitude.  I cannot say it has been easy.  Quite possibly the most challenging thing I have ever done, but potentially the most transformative and life-enhancing experience I could have ever undertaken.   The other day, my same friend asked me if now after 6 months I would choose to do this again.  My answer was immediately yes, hands down a hundred times over.  However, if I had known all of the challenges that lie ahead and what this would summon from me, I would have never had the courage to begin it in the first place.  Similar to doing a marathon, once you are in it, you cannot imagine why you ever decided to do it. Then after it’s over, you would never have done it had you known what it would require of you.  In the end, you are completely transformed for the better for having done it.  I began this year by asking what would I do if I had only a year to live.  Seems like it might be a good way to begin every year.

As we end this year and this decade together, thank you for coming along on this adventure with me.  I wish you the next decade full of your own adventures and life-changing experiences.

__________________

"May your journey be rough."

- Nigerian Proverb